Juggling all the plates

I have this vision of myself standing in the kitchen still and silent with my world criculing around me. I’m standing there holding all the plates, calmly. Not smiling, no expression at all really, just focusing on not dropping a plate.  

What if I drop a plate? 

Will everything stop? Will that give me more hands? Or will I just pick up another plate? 

The mental load of managing a household, relationships and a career can sometimes (often) get the better of me. Three kids, a job, a business, a husband, a house and the never ending basket of washing and a load that needs to be folded and put away from a week ago can feel ongoingly chaotic. 

It is relentless and continuous with no ‘complete’ sign in sight. 

The plates are full and some feel like they are spilling over, but for some reason they have not yet reached breaking point. Although it feels one wrong turn and snap - it explodes. 

What if I put a plate down? Give more attention to the plates that are filling up quickly or the ones that maybe don’t feel full at all? But how do I decide? What is more important? Every plate has a place at the table. It would be unfair not to serve a seat to a well deserving plate? 

Maybe I am giving it too much thought and each plate has its moments of capacity - it is the ebbs and flows of life, right? Not another thought? 

That sounded easier than the reality of it. Often the reality is unsustainable and if you don’t give it any thought that is when plates start dropping and no one has the energy or capacity to clean it up. I certainly don’t. 

Can you feel the load? Or even the complexities of the load? 

The mental load of being a career mum can take its toll at times feel like the plates are becoming too heavy to hold. I know that when I start to forget things or know things but simply don’t take the time to act on them because the energy is not there, then it snowballs into more things that quickly starts to feel overwhelming, the mental load is at capacity. I know this when I am short and snappy with my kids and husband, which is exactly not who I want to be as a mother or husband. I blow off doing school readers because I got home from work, helped with dinner, cleaned up, bathed, packed lunches and now I just wanna lay on the floor and cuddle/play. I don’t take the time to eat well and drink way too much coffee. I can feel my shoulders getting heavy and tense. And the mental load is felt across the household. 

I have had times when my eldest, Fergus will simply come up and say “can I give you a hug mum, I can see you need it” - that is when I drop the plates and embrace in his kindness. 

But then quickly pick them all up again. 

Here is what I have learnt. 

When I acknowledge the mental load, the heavy plates, this is when I can make change and ensure things balance out. I have become (over the years) very good at acting on it. Connecting back to what I need in that moment and making sure I make the space and time to receive it. One of the biggest challenges I have found being a working mum is that ‘me time’ becomes non-existent. The days are scheduled hour by hour, minute by minute and sometimes having a quiet lunch at work is all the ‘me time’ I am going to get on that day, until it is interrupted by someone wanting a chat (which is also welcomed) , the phone ringing or paying bills. The reality is, ‘me time’ is often not a priority until it becomes a priority. But when it does, actually allocating space is vital for me. This is not extravagant, it is often quiet time alone with no distractions, nose or phones. I often write, listen to music and sit outside. It can look like hiking, yoga or going for a coffee alone. It can even be grocery shopping with no one. Space to myself for an hour can be all I need to pick up the plates again and feel stronger. 

The mental load is not going anywhere. It will continue to be present at different levels depending what is happening at work, at home, and with me. I have learnt over the years that trying to balance the mental load doesn’t work. There is no balance, it is more about evening them out and taking some space from one plate to make room for the one that is overflowing. 

I have also learnt that being very intentional about the exact plates you hold, these are what are important to you, the plates you want to be juggling is important. If this is not purposeful, you end up juggling plates that are not important, they just show up and expect to be taken care of. 

Finally, my plates are different to yours and that is ok. They are different from my mothers, my friends, my work colleagues and that is ok. They might think some of my plates are not important, or something that doesn't need my energy at this time and that is ok. I am not going to put it down, unless I feel that way. Because I am intentional about what plates I carry, I feel connected and supported with this and judgment will not sway me. 

Know your plates. Know your capacity. Know when they are beginning to overflow and act on it. 

Working mother's mental load is real, it is exhausting and it is overwhelmingly rewarding. I am here for it. 

Do you feel this to?

I would love to invite you to a Free Masterclass on finding balance in work and in life so you can take back control of your career without scarifying being a mum.

Monday 29th May, 2023 at 12.30pm ACST

Let me know HERE if you are keen to join.