My unhealthy relationships with ‘busy’
I hate using the word busy, in fact it triggers me. When I use it and when others do, it makes me feel irritated and tense. Even a thick dose of comparison sweeps in and lately I have been moving towards thinking “you are not busy, try living my life” - and this generally irks me. I hate thinking that way, and feeling it. It is something I am working on and I continuously tell myself that it is all relative, which of course it is.
I don’t think ‘busy’ is actually the problem. Overwhelm, exhausted, full, at capacity - it all means the same thing. Busy is just a word that couples them all together. It is when we attach being busy with being more important, that is when using the word becomes addictive. This is something I let go of a long time ago and at that time I consciously chose not to use the word. I actually wrote a post about it in 2016. Seven years later, it has now morphed into a new meaning for me. Busy now actually means non-stop and it triggers me because I want to stop. I want to have space and separate my work from my home life. To be able to switch off. When I secretly feel busy and don’t want to admit it, because I have previously consciously chosen not to, it ignites something in me and I become shamefully frustrated.
For context, in the last few months in particular, I have been busy. My work is at its peak season, my business is amplifying (love), my kids are always on, the calendar is jam packed and all the other things in between seem to be bigger than normal. This is a typical example of the day to day in most peoples’ lives, this is no different or superior to what happens in the house next door yet I feel disconnected with the word and don’t like talking about it.
You cannot move forward unless you know where you are currently at. Is what I tell my clients at the beginning of each session, and we go through a process to clearly understand this.
What if I was to admit I was busy? And fully understanding where I am currently at.
Then I can actually do something about it. I can tune into the areas of my life that I feel are at capacity. Using the life by design method - where do I currently feel full (full meaning cup full, excited, energized) in each pillar titled, work, health, fun and love and where do I feel I need extra nurturing. Next, where do I currently feel busy - what can I purposefully do to level out the pillars or if that is not possible at the moment, decrease to allow space for the other. So I don’t go into overflow, in a bad way resulting in burnout and exhaustion. And shamefully allow it to seep into my mood, patience and reacting in a less than desirable way.
[When it starts to affect my family, relationships and the energy in the house, that is when I know I need to do something about it.]
I can also tune into what is important to me and where my non-negotiables are. For me, in this stage of life they are
family, this needs no explanation,
nature, feeling grounded, stable and clear is vital for my mental health, nature gives this to me, and;
time, that is time with my family, myself, my husband and my business - all things that are important to me and I want to continue to grow and nurture.
What went haywire these last few months is my attachments to being busy, unable to acknowledge the reality of my situation and trying to make it mean something I am not. The moment this became out of control is the moment my mind feed into stories about comparison, questioning what people would think, how I will be perceived, who will work with me - you know the drill, all the self doubt that runs through our system every now and then. I am human, we all are, I don’t believe anyone ever escapes these moments which is refreshing. The importance of it is not allowing it to fester too long and run havoc on our lives and our families. To be able to notice when it is becoming too loud and actively do something about it.
What if I was to admit I was busy? I would be able to actively do something about it.
And that is what I did. Moving forward, when I am busy I will be ok with it - talk about it and allow for the conversation to work both ways. A mother of 3, working and growing a business is my life and the ebbs and flows that come along with that don’t need to be sugar coated that need to be real. I am passionate about the work that I do and to be transparent in this space is becoming more and more important. To be able to navigate when things become busy so that it does not result in built up pressure and exhaustion is exactly what message I want to share. Coupled with ensuring you are in supportive and energizing roles that does not overtake your home life.
What can you admit that is a reality for you, right now that you can actively do something about?
I am currently working on a program that will support mothers who want to have it all - a successful thriving career and a present and calm relationship with your child(ren) while being authentic and true to you - titled the Authentic (Working Mum) Leader. If this sounds like you and you want to know more, join the list here and you will be the first to know of the details.