The Goals Guru - Sarah Jensen

Before we get into the juicy content Sarah so elegantly wrote specifically for YOU. I would like to formally introduce and warmly welcome Sarah to the blog. Sarah is an award-winning business + lifestyle coach, course creator, podcast host and self-proclaimed stationery nerd. She has the most supportive energy that you instantly feel held. I recently had a beautiful catch up with Sarah and I left feeling so energised, creative and simply connected. I feel a deep gratitude for Sarah and I know you will love what she has to share.

So you’ve finished your studies and you’re ready to wander bravely into the world of work, but the burning question on your heart is “what next?”

You’re not alone.

If you’re feeling stuck in analysis paralysis, afraid to make a decision or choose a goal because the thought of making the ‘wrong’ choice is keeping you up at night, take a big, deep breath and keep reading…

Step One – How do you want to feel?

Have a wriggle in your chair, get comfy and ponder this question:

How do I want to feel? 

I know this sounds like a bit of a strange place to start a goal setting activity, but so much of our life is guided by our feelings.  The choices we make and the actions we take are often, subconsciously, directed by how we think that choice or action will make us feel.  And often, without truly realising it, we’re making millions of tiny decision each day to move us towards the feelings we crave, and away from the feelings we’re not so keen on.

Take a minute now to think about (and write down) a few feelings that are most important to you.

Maybe you crave freedom, joy, love, connection, contribution, contentment, adventure or purpose.  Or, perhaps, something else?  Whatever comes up for you is just right, just take a moment to capture it now.

By getting clear about how you want to feel, you can start to use those feelings as a guide to set goals and make decisions.

Not sure whether to apply for that job?  Ask yourself if it aligns with the feelings that are most important to you.

Thinking of doing some further study?  How does that feel to you?

Considering joining a networking or mastermind group?  Will that help you feel the way you’d like to feel?

If yes, go forth and rock those goals.  If not, let it be a conscious no and leave that space open for something even better to come your way.

Step Two – What’s your dream?

Now we’re getting to the nitty gritty – the part that sometimes has people running for the hills at a million miles an hour - but stay with me, I’ve got your back.

The next question to ponder is this…

“What do I really want?”

The emphasis here is on “I” – what do I (that’s you) want?

And what do you “really” want?

Not your mum, your brother, or your uncle Kevin.  YOU.

It can be so very easy to get caught up in the cycle of people pleasing, doing what you think is expected of you, or following what seems to be the ‘socially acceptable path to success’ based on your family, culture or community.  But the thing is, this is your life and, at the end of the day, the only person who needs to approve of, or be happy with, your decisions is you.  So it’s important to take a little time to get clear (and honest with yourself) about what you actually want.

Know too, that you don’t need to have the rest of your life mapped out in ‘easy to tick off the list’ steps, tied perfectly to your age or economic goals.  Your plan can (and most likely will) change over the years, so give yourself permission to get clear on what you want right now and then start moving towards that.

Not sure what you want?  Here are a few questions to ponder, meditate on or journal to that might help:

·       What feels most aligned for me right now?

·       What will bring me the most joy right now?

·       What feels like the natural next step towards my vision for this area of my life?

·       What’s most important to me?

If you’d like some more journaling prompts to ponder on choosing goals, click here.

Let yourself write whatever’s on your heart or in your head - don’t filter or judge it, just let it flow and see what comes out.

Step Three – Get Aligned

Now you’ve captured, and connected with, what you want, it’s time to run it through two very important filters.

The first is your feelings filter.

For each idea, goal or dream you’ve written down, ask yourself:

“Will this goal help me feel the way I want to feel?”

If it’s a yes, it’s a keeper.  If it’s a no, get curious and move on to filter number two – the curious questioning filter:

“Is this goal mine?  Am I doing it for me, and do I really want this?”

This is a great filter to unhook yourself from other peoples’ expectations, as well as that ‘people pleasing’ we talked about earlier in the piece.  Plus, it’s a great way to look at your goals with a different lens and hone in on what has the most meaning for you.

Here are two examples from my life:

I love to sing. I’m not very good at it but I enjoy it.  I set a goal to take singing lessons but I wasn’t making it happen.  When I sat with the goal, I realised that taking singing lessons would help me feel creative, confident and bring a whole lot of joy into my life.  Plus, the goal is absolutely mine – I’m doing it for me and me alone.  So I shuffled my schedule and started taking weekly singing lessons (and a year later I’m still loving it).

Every New Year’s Day, for more years in a row than I care to admit, I’d set a resolution to learn to play piano.  Despite having a keyboard, sheet music and easy access to a music teacher and YouTube video lessons, I never actually took action towards the goal.  And every year, on reading over my resolutions list, I’d feel that familiar sinking feeling in my stomach and hear my inner mean voice start taunting me for not achieving my goal.  After a few years of that, instead of dipping into the ‘poor me’ pot, I got curious and asked myself “what’s going on here?”  If I say I want this goal, but I never actually achieve it - why not?

When I got lovingly curious (in a gentle and non-judgmental way) I realised my motivations behind the goal weren’t actually mine.  I realised I wanted to play piano because my mum plays and I thought she’d be proud of me and it would bring us closer together if I learned to play too.  When I identified that, I realised what I actually wanted was connection with my mum and I could do that in other ways - like spending time with her, going for walks together or calling her more often.

So if you have goals you’re not achieving, or you’re feeling uncertain about the goals you’re setting, run them through both the feelings filter and the curious questioning filter by asking yourself “is this goal mine?”

And for anything that’s not lighting you up, is misaligned with how you want to feel, or isn’t going to move you forward towards the life, business or career you desire, let it go and (as we said before) make room for what’s meant for you instead.

Step Four – Permission to Play

Am I right in sensing you’re a recovering perfectionist?  An over-achiever, maybe?  Or perhaps a former people pleaser?  Me too!  Heck, in a former life I could make conversation a competitive sport.

Oh, you’ve been to Paris?  How marvellous! Well I’ve been twice!

So, for a well-meaning and very big-hearted human with a desire to do things “right”, tick the necessary boxes and move as swiftly as possible towards success, happiness and fulfilment - goal setting, career planning and achievement can feel like a very serious business.

And, with our aforementioned fear of making the “wrong” decision, sometimes the last thing we feel inclined to do is play.

But I’m here to hand over this very important permission slip as you move forward towards your goals and dreams:

The decision you’re making right now does not have to be for life.

In real terms, you don’t have to have your whole life figured out, the next job you take doesn’t have to be your ‘for life’ job, and the next course you do doesn’t have to be the last one ever.

Life is an experiment, an exploration, and by approaching it with an open heart and a sense of softness, you can let each new learning or opportunity be part of the path of breadcrumbs you follow on the adventure that is your life.

I know for me, each decision I make, each course I do, each new person I connect with, opens up a new possibility that might not have been on my radar before.  If I got so focused on following “the plan” no matter what, I’d probably have missed some of the wonderful opportunities that have come my way.

My point?  Give yourself some flexibility, room to grow and space to play, and don’t be afraid to test drive or try things on for size to see how they fit you.  And again, as with everything, feel into it – does it feel good for you?  Is your intuition ringing the warning bells?  And, most of all, does this decision, action or goal feel right for you right now?

I hope there have been a few helpful titbits and nuggets of wisdom or reassurance in here to help you tap into what’s most important for you so you can move forward in a way that feels wonderful for you.  Most of all, I wish you so much joy and success in bringing your goals and dreams to life.  May you feel confident, clear and oh so connected to your own beautiful vision for your life, business and career.

Sarah x

If you want to connect more with Sarah, jump on over to her website - https://www.sarahjensen.com.au/ - where she shares more about goal setting, the art of journaling and how you can work with her more. She truly is a delight.